Rupal Y. Patel
|
One of the things that comes up again and again in the work I do with leaders and ambitious doers is that so many of us get frustrated when our goals take longer to accomplish than we want them to (and they almost always take longer!). We tell ourselves it's not worth trying anymore, or beat ourselves up for not succeeding fast enough, or recalibrate our ambitions downward so achievement seems easier or more likely to come sooner.
But the thing that we all need to remember - and this is a hard truth to internalize - is that THERE IS NO RUSH. And the world has no stake at all in making our dreams a reality. So take some of the pressure off. Or take in these words: "Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." The time will pass anyway. The time will pass anyway... The reason I share this quote is because it is just so obviously true. There are so many things about which we tell ourselves "Oh, it would take forever to do that or build that or achieve that. What's the point in trying?" Well, the point is: the time will pass anyway. So why not fill it with trying, fill it with failing, fill it with taking mini steps towards a big dream or a big goal, fill it with doing things that stretch you or scare you or grow you. Sure, we might not get there - wherever "there" is. But you know what? The time is going to pass whether we sit on our asses and agonize about the things that won't happen or whether we get out there and make things happen in whatever ways we can. And you know what else? Even if we don't get "there", at least we'll have some great stories to share and battle wounds to show off. Life would be so boring if we played it safe all the time, so why not just get out there and see what might be possible? Everyone starts from no where, as a "no one". Even Oprah started out as "just some girl from Mississippi." And how much sadder and worse off would the world be if she had held herself back by thinking "who am I to be someone" (and given where she was starting from, she had a lot more social and personal and economic reasons to think that way than many of us do). I'm not saying we all need to go out and become Oprah. All I'm saying is that the time will pass anyway, so we should go out there and do our own thing. Make stuff happen. Build our businesses. Send that first (or fiftieth) email. Ask for what we want. Put ourselves on stage. Whatever it is. Why not you? Why not each one us? The time will pass anyway.
0 Comments
Like some of you perhaps, I have a complicated relationship with exercise: I love doing it, but I hate getting started (it really is true for me that the hardest part is showing up). So this year, I set myself a challenge to exercise/move with intention five days a week, and I am pleased to say that I am now into a six-week streak of - you guessed it - exercising five days a week.
So how did I trick myself into doing it? (Because I did have to trick myself, make no mistake about that...) Well, I stopped fighting myself, and decided to make exercise easy. Instead of hyping myself up to go to the gym for epic all-or-nothing two-hour sweat fests, or talking myself down when I inevitably missed the mark, I exercise most days at home using free videos on YouTube, do one run a week, and one chin up session at the gym. That's it. (PS - I can out chinup most of the brawny guys at my gym, so take that!) Am I going to beat any world records this way? Hell no. But that's not the point. The point is that I am doing just enough to stay fit so I can clear my head of all the drama and angst around working out and focus all that mental energy on my two main priorities instead: my work and my family. Or to put it another way, I am taking the heptathlete approach to life: being the best I can be at a chosen few things, and being just good enough at everything else. Because that is what life requires: acknowledged and intentional tradeoffs, not all-or-nothing chest thumping bravado or obsessive obsessions with "balancing" everything perfectly. Because there is no balance. Only choice. And you have to choose what very few precious things will get all of you, and decide that all of the everything else will have to settle for good enough. Reality. Harmony. Sanity. Not so-called balance. Or, as I like to put it: enlightened swagger, instead of just swagger. In these early months of any new year, many of us are often thinking about goals and targets and ambitions for the months ahead. And as someone who got switched on to goal-setting and planning relatively late in life (in my early 30s), I have gained a lot of trial-and-error/trial-and-success experience with accomplishing goals.
In the past few years, I ticked off two of my biggest "bucket list" goals (publishing a best-seller and being invited to give a TED talk), hit a massive business target, and got some high-profile PR coverage, so I have some recent data on what happens when you finally accomplish the thing - or things - you've been wanting to accomplish for a long time. But let's start with what doesn't happen when you accomplish a goal: The heavens don't suddenly open up and rain down good fortune, everything you touch doesn't automatically turn to gold, clients/investors/potential-partners who once rejected you don't come begging on their knees to win you over, your poop doesn't start to smell like roses, all of your health/wealth/relationship problems don't disappear, happiness and fulfilment don't come streaming through your door on a daily basis, you don't achieve overnight stardom/wealth/wisdom/popularity/etc. And - to put it quite simply - everything you built up in your mind about what it would mean to be an author/on the cover of a magazine/on a TED stage/etc doesn't match up with reality. Or to put it even simply-er: your life doesn't change very much at all. So why bother achieving anything? Because here's what does happen: you become better, smarter, stronger. You learn how to push yourself, you dust yourself off after the nineteenth rejection and get back out there, you stay in the game, you learn what you are made of, you learn what you are not made of (and this is okay, essential even, to any success), you learn who your friends are, you realize that the things you thought you wanted might not be the be all end all of your existence, you learn new skills, you encounter and overcome new challenges, you find a way through the deepest and darkest parts of yourself, you learn, you grow, and you learn and you grow some more. And sometimes - only sometimes - the wealth/fame/fortune/popularity/begging from those who previously turned you away/feeling of being on top of the world does come along with your accomplishments. But not always. And it doesn't always stick around. So don't choose your goals based on what you think the outcome will be; choose your goals for what they will make of you to achieve them. Or to put it another way: the goal isn't really the goal. Who you become along the way is. I don't know about you, but I love this time of year. For me, it's a time for reflection and review and recalibration, and that’s why this week I wanted to share with you one of the most valuable tools from my personal tradecraft toolkit: Capturing Your Year.
Now, I hear so many people talk about their year like it ran away from them or that it felt like a “throw away” year. But even when the pace of life feels relentless, we grow and change and make progress. It’s just that we're not used to registering that growth or change or progress concretely. And what a waste that is. What a waste to look at a day, a week, a month, a year and think “I’m glad that’s over” or "There's so much still left to do" or "Where the heck did the time go". But instead of despairing or wondering, here's what you can do instead: 1 - Block out a 60-120 minute chunk of time in your calendar before the end of the year where you can be distraction-free and interruption free. Go somewhere quiet, peaceful, and enjoyable, and bring a journal or a pad of paper (or computer) with you. 2 - Review your calendar. Literally look at every single day from 1 January to now and look at all the meetings you had, appointments you made, people you met with, webinars you attended, events you went to, vacations you took, conferences you participated in, projects you started, etc, and start mentally reliving some of those moments. This will: a) remind you of just how-damned-much you did this year, and b) start to prompt your brain for what comes next. 3 - Capture your biggest lessons learned, mistakes made, and successes achieved. Write it all down in as much detail as possible and sit and reflect. Let the successes sink in. Let the accomplishments and holidays and all the FUN things you did sink in. And let the mistakes and the lessons you learned from making them sink in, too. 4 - Distill the above into your “Top Lessons Learned” (ideally 10-15). And think about any changes you want/need to make in your work, life, relationships, health, etc that will make it harder for you to repeat any mistakes and easier for you to move forward better, smarter, stronger. 5 - Make concrete plans. If any of those changes require other people’s input (in your business, say), or if there is anything you need to eliminate or adapt or add (a new gym membership, for example), then PLAN IT INTO YOUR CALENDAR and think about how you will integrate your lessons learned in the year to come. 6 - And finally, if you are feeling generous, share your list. You can share it with friends, family, co-workers, or just a trusted friend. But I find that by sharing our lessons, we relearn them and they get embedded that much deeper. It’s also a really nice way to make sure that others around us can learn from our experiences, good and not-so-good. 7 - Repeat each year! I have done this exercise every year for almost a decade, and each time I do it, I am forced to to confront hard facts (instead of my unreliable memory) and am reminded of how far I’ve come, how much I’ve learned, how much I’ve grown, and how much I’ve done. In one short year. Our memories are painfully inadequate at remembering things accurately, and too often we think a year (month/week/day) was a “waste” when a Capture Your Year exercise proves it was anything but. So don’t rely on your memory. Join me this December as I sit down to capture the year, crystalize key lessons and takeaways, and embed the lessons into next year. I’ll be sharing my Lessons Learned with you starting next week, so stay tuned! A few weeks ago, I shared some ideas for how all of us can increase our income in small but immediate ways, and this week I'd like to talk about wealth.
You see, one of the main misconceptions about wealth is that you can tell who is wealthy: the rich look rich and act rich and live where you think they would live (Kensington, Bel Air, Central Park West). But the reality couldn't be further from that perception. The vast majority of America's millionaires (people with NET wealth of $1 million+) live, well, next door, in middle-class or sometimes working-class neighborhoods. They drive Fords, wear Timex or Seiko watches (I love Seikos!), and have a net wealth that they could live off of for more than 10 years without doing anything. They prioritize financial freedom over conspicuous consumption and live well below their means. And you know what else? The people we think are wealthy because of what they wear or drive or earn are often as likely to be living paycheck to paycheck as their lower-earning counterparts. A big income means nothing for wealth if you spend what you earn, as so many people do. So why am I sharing this? Well, one of the reasons is that wealth is something that so many of us strive for. Some of us may have started our businesses or chosen our career paths to become wealthy and financially independent (PSA: and that's ok! Money isn't evil... what people do for it and with it can be, but money is just an object). But sometimes it's easy to forget that we can build wealth now, from where we already are, if we are willing to do what the unseen majority of millionaires do: spend less than we earn, not increase our liabilities even when our assets increase, and have a wealth building plan that isn't over-reliant on any one asset class. We can do all of this whether we are in the early stages of our careers or are already 9-figure unicorns and CEOs. And the other reason I think it's important to know about the millionaires next door is so we can burst any bubbles about who we need to become to "look the part" of being rich. Because the thing is, we don't have to change anything. We can all become millionaires from where we are, living in the same house, wearing the same mix of fast fashion and high fashion (or no fashion!), and cruising in our 2002 Honda Accord if we want to be. We don't have to eat at Michelin-starred restaurants, know a lot about wine, summer in the Hamptons, wear designers clothes, or "act rich" in any of the ways Hollywood and society tells us rich people act. In order to be wealthy, to become millionaires - or multi-millionaires - we don't have to change, but our habits do. Back in the early days of starting my first business, I had some pretty ugly moments. I would find myself looking around at the other founders I knew and wishing for a piece of their action. There always seemed to be someone else doing more, making more, and achieving more than I was. And when I wasn't careful, those comparisons would deflate me and cause me to wonder if I should just give up and throw in the towel.
Maybe you've felt that way, too. Maybe you've watched friends, colleagues, family members, someone else do something you've wanted to do and hated them for it. Or maybe in the face of their success you've criticized the trade-offs they had to make along the way ("I would never give up my social life like they have..."). Or maybe you've just cursed your own "bad luck" and left it at that. Believe me, I get it. Achieving things is hard. Succeeding at things we care about is hard. And when you're climbing a hill, it's so easy to look at others and think of how much easier/better/luckier they have it, and then to want some of that for yourself. And despite the fact that it's pretty universal, we're never taught how to treat our comparisonitis. We're never given the tools to manage our envy responsibly. But like so many things in life, envy doesn't have to be bad. It's just a feeling. A signal. And it's what we do with that feeling or signal that makes it "good" or "bad." When I found myself in my envious-woes all those years ago, my partner said to me: "It's normal to be jealous. But what can you learn from other people's successes that will help you create your own?" And just like that, I was given a formula to turn something potentially ugly and destructive (envy) into something productive and helpful (ideas/stimuli for progress). Jealousy is okay. But we don't have to wallow in despair and self-pity when we see others being successful. We don't have to see their success as a reason to give up on our own. (There is enough success out there for all of us.) We don't have to quit just because someone else already did what we want to do. And we don't have to stop just because someone else is ahead of us. We can choose to be inspired instead of jealous. We can choose to open up instead of shut down. We can choose to see a role model instead of a rival. And, most important, we can choose to use our envy to fuel us and drive us instead of stopping us in our tracks. It's not easy, but it can be simple. We can use our envy for good. Almost a decade ago, I was having lunch with a dear friend and we were half-laughing, half-crying about our inner nerds. I was bemoaning my need for “gold stars,” and it was then that my friend said what has stayed with me all these years: “I get it dude, it’s your Lisa Simpson complex. I’m the same.”
Now for the unfamiliar, Lisa Simpson is a cartoon character who is endearingly obsessed with perfection and good grades, with being the archetypal “good girl.” And my friend’s comment has stayed with me all these years because elements of my “Lisa Simpson complex” still infect so many big and small aspects of my life, and it’s something I have to work hard to keep in check. (But her comment also reassured me that there are other “Lisas” out there… maybe you’re one too!) Now, part of me is proud to be meticulous and painstaking about things that are important to me (good grammar, ordered P&Ls, folding my clothes just-so… you have to have standards, so they may as well be good ones!), but part of me also recognizes that there’s a reason “pain” is 36% of the word “painstaking,” because too much Lisa Simpson is no good. It is painful. And it can be destructive. And it can give too much power to people or things outside our control. And it is only with a lot of practice and the perspective that comes with time (I won’t say “age” just yet) that I have finally started letting go just a little bit of my once-near-obsession with getting gold stars and being “perfect” in all aspects of my life. I know I will never NOT care what other people think of me, but I have started to be selective about whose opinion I DO care about (Are they qualified to have an opinion? Have they been in the ring themselves? Or are they just haters raining down popcorn and peanuts from the cheap seats?). I know I will always want some actual or symbolic gold stars, but I have started getting better at giving them to myself. I know there will be times when I look at my businesses or look in the mirror and only see the things that need “fixing,” but I have started getting better at focusing on what is amazing and beautiful, too. As high-achievers, I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone and to do it all perfectly, often by a standard of perfection or performance that someone else has given to us. And I get it. Wanting to be “the best” is hardwired into my DNA. One of my favorite stories about my mom goes something like this: When she was around 8 or 9, she came home from school bawling her eyes out, shaking with sadness. Her grandfather — my great-grandfather — rushed out of the house terrified by her distress, and asked her what was wrong. Through sobs and snot, she told him it was because — wait for it…. — she had gotten a 98 out of 100 on her exam! And even as I type this I am smile-crying because god, do I understand her despair. I wish I could transport through time and give the 8-year-old version of my mom a massive hug for feeling those two points so deeply… My friends, this stuff is hard. Being a leader is hard. Achieving big things is hard. Being a human is hard. Having high standards is hard. But it is also sometimes — maybe more of the times than we realize — made harder by our own doing, by that self-imposed soundtrack nattering in our ears making us forget that a perfect score isn’t the goal, and that what we are doing or have already done is pretty damned great if we would just allow ourselves to see the damned greatness. So, all I’d like to suggest is that from time to time, we let go of those two points and turn the perfection soundtrack off. That we give ourselves credit for how many points we DID get, how many new customers we DID get, how many milestones we HAVE achieved, and to focus less on how far there is still to go. For me and so many us, the trick, the work, is finding the elusive sweet spot between striving and accepting: striving for more and better while accepting where, and who, we currently are. It’s not about becoming complacent, it’s about recognizing that sometimes, even when we do our best, all we’ll get is a painful 98% and a tearful walk home, but our grandfathers will still be there to hug us, and we’ll still go on to have amazing lives full of inner and outer achievements, and maybe one day, sixty years into the future, we’ll have daughters (literal or figurative) who write lovingly about us and admire us for all the times we chose not to give up, not to stop, not to throw everything away even when we were less than perfect. And it’s about recognizing — as my great-grandfather said to my mother all those years ago — that sometimes those two points aren’t ours to have, anyway. Sometimes 98 is our perfect score. And that really is perfect enough. When I was starting my first business ten years ago, my partner and I held a board meeting and set out targets for the year ahead and the ten years ahead. We decided that in our first year we wanted to acquire ten properties, and that in ten years we wanted a portfolio valued at £10 million.
They were nice round numbers with an element of symmetry ("10 in 10"), they were big goals, and they were goals that terrified and energized in equal measure. We didn't obsess too much about the "how", but armed with the "what", we started on our way, steeped in the faith that we'd get started with what we had and figure things out - and learn and adjust and plan and tweak - along the way. And exactly ten years later, our portfolio value is £9.81 million. (Yes, for the accountants among you, I know this is a bit "short" of £10m, but I used conservative values, so I say close enough!) And the reason I am sharing this with you is because I want you to know that whatever your biggest, scariest goal is, you can achieve it too. Of course you can. But you have to get started, and there are a few simple things I learned on my road to ten million that can help you too: 1) Go slow to grow fast - Remember that Year 1 target we had of buying 10x properties. Wellllll... our grand total at the end of that year was closer to - wait for it... - two. Yes two. But instead of throwing in the towel and wallowing in despair, we kept going. Because we acknowledged that... 2) ...Success takes its own time - And all deadlines are basically arbitrary. For the sake of our egos we like to achieve in "impressive" soundbites ("10 properties in one year!"), but reality has no stake in conforming to our timelines. Things take time. And sometimes they take their own time. 3) Persist and learn... and stop watching the clock - Because things take their own time, and because sometimes the "how" can seem a bit out of reach, it's important to persist and learn along the way. Too many people give up inches (or months or days or a few short years) from achieving what they want to achieve. And there were many, many, MANY times I wanted to quit and give up and throw my hands up in defeat. But after some time-bound wallowing, I dusted myself off, learned, got smarter, asked for help, and kept going. And I reminded myself that we should - as one of my favorite quotes puts it perfectly - "Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it takes to achieve it. The time will pass anyway." 4) BE SPECIFIC - When we set that intention to have a portfolio valued at £10 million in ten years, we weren't specific enough. Because we didn't factor in things like interest rates, and lending, and mortgages. So while our property portfolio is worth £10 million now, OUR portion of that value - our equity - is not £10 million. If we could go back to 2012, I would have tweaked our goal to be "A property portfolio with a NET equity value of £10 million." It sounds a bit pedantic, but when you set a goal, you have to make sure it is the goal you want. That it is specific. No detail is too small. Because you WILL get what you want. So make sure it's exactly what you want, and nothing slips through the cracks. My friends, we all overestimate how much we can achieve in one year, and underestimate how much we can achieve in five years or ten years. And ten years after setting myself what felt like a genuinely impossible goal, I accomplished it. And if I can, you can. So get started. Because the time will pass anyway. Many years ago when I was starting my first business, I made a decision that unlocked much of the success that came after: I hired a cleaner. No, not a personal assistant, or a head of sales, or a lead negotiator - a cleaner.
You see, every Saturday, my partner and I would spend hours and hours cleaning our house. And those were hours and hours I could not spend building my business, working on my fitness, seeing friends and loved ones, or simply recharging. As a bootstrapping founder, I was throwing every hour of the day to my business's growth - and weekends were being wasted with a dustpan. So we hired cleaners. And reclaimed our precious time. And symbolically, that made all the difference in the world because now I wasn't just telling myself that I was a boss, I was behaving like one: I was spending money to make time, instead of spending time to make money. And this is a mindset shift that too many of us delay making. We hold on to being Chief Everything Officer in our work lives and home lives, and then we struggle with burnout and frustration and resentment. We strangle ourselves with The Perfectionist's Creed. And we tell ourselves we can - or should be able to - do everything (even the laundry!) when that's simply not true. Time is the one thing that everyone says they never have enough of, but we can all create time by letting go of the low-value tasks (business admin, house chores, email, etc) that clutter our lives, instead of clinging to them out of habit, or out of a sense that we're not worthy of the investment or because we've internalized the social pressures that expect women to be Martha Stewart, Mother Theresa, and Madeleine Albright all at the same time (enforced martyrdom is a plague, ladies, but we don't have to succumb). Whatever your dreams, your ambitions, your vision for your life, you can't get there by doing it all and under-valuing your time. To be a boss, you need to boss your time. It might start with something small, sure - for me, hiring cleaners was the first step, not the last! - but the mindset shift around valuing our time and buying it back can help us get to the top of wherever we choose to go. And that is anything but small. I have a confession to make: I am a people pleaser. I always have been. I was that kid in school who always got gold stars and straight-As. I was that annoying smarty-pants who would jump up and down in my chair with my hand thrust into the air to answer any question the teacher posed. I loved being the "teacher's pet" (and I was really good at it!), and that chronic-pleaser-syndrome has never totally gone away.
When I was starting my first business, I never had enough hours in a day for myself, my health, my business, or my loved ones but I was saying yes to endless requests for help or guidance or advice from others, often total strangers, because I didn't want to disappoint them. What an idiot! But after years of giving indiscriminately, I started to design boundaries into my business. I thought hard about how I could say no but still help as many people as possible in a way that felt sustainable and generous instead of leaving me feeling vulnerable and exploited. So I built generous giving into my business model: I do lots of free articles, You Tube videos, and webinars so I can help lots of people at the same time, and I do a set number of pro-bono hours to help a few budding entrepreneurs each year. And then, my one-on-one time is devoted to private paying clients who I can help in a very targeted and tailored way. Saying no wasn't easy and it sometimes made me feel like a jerk, but I finally started to acknowledge that having boundaries wasn't mean or selfish - it was realistic. Yes, it took time, and thought, and some uncomfortable conversations for me to get comfortable saying no, but now I am having a far greater impact on a far greater number of people because I am choosing carefully what I say yes and no to. And saying no has allowed me to help more people and be more focused. Win-win. So what can you say no to? What should you say no to? What boundaries can you establish so you can say no to some things and yes to others? What amount of no-saying is right for you and your business? Warren Buffet didn't become hugely successful by investing in every business brought before him. He says no as a rule, and sparingly uses his yes's. And while I can't promise that by saying no you'll become the next Warren Buffet, I can guarantee that when you get better at setting boundaries and saying no, you and your business will become more focused and disciplined, and focus and discipline are two of the most essential ingredients for success at anything. So the next time you feel yourself tempted to say yes to something, take a minute and ask yourself if you should simply say no instead. Back when I was a bright-eyed, first-time founder, I remember negotiating terms with a supplier and thinking to myself "Well, of course we expect things to be done affordably, quickly, AND perfectly... Duh!"
Yup, that was me. I was the client who expected the world but didn't want to pay for it. I was the maximalist with a minimalist budget. The one who lived in a dream where limited resources still got you limitless results. And you know what else? I was always the one who was disappointed when things took time (oh, SO much time...) or when the cost was greater than I was ready to pay or when the quality was below what I wanted. I wasn't being unreasonable, I thought, I just wanted it all. But as any three-year-old understands, you can't have all the things. And it wasn't until I was introduced to the Trinity that I found that out for myself. Now anyone who has had some experience with project management will recognize the Trinity. It is that secular force of nature, that powerful triumvirate, that all-knowing three-some called Time, Cost, and Quality. And the law of the Trinity dictates that we can only ever optimise or maximise two out of the three on any given task, project, or business. Want your bookkeeper to provide low-cost services and superior quality? Then expect a longer turnaround time. Want to have your next development project be flawless and quick? Then expect to pay a premium for it. Want to spend pennies on your marketing campaign and get it done quickly? Then expect the quality to be less-than-stellar. I know some of you might be thinking the way I did. You might think it defeatist to accept the reality of how the Trinity works. You might even think you and your business are the exception and you are going to show the Trinity up. And you would be wrong, my friend. Some things are just true. Some things aren't worth debating (water is necessary for life, gravity exists, the tax man cometh...) and trying to pretend those things ARE debatable is a foolish waste of time. The law of the Trinity is just another one of those truths. When I started accepting the law of the Trinity in my businesses, it made a huge difference. I made a conscious choice that Quality and Cost would be the two I optimised and accepted that Time would be the aspect I would have to be flexible on as a result. This not only reduced my stress levels (no more screaming down the phone demanding things be done yesterday!) it also made my cash flow projections realistic instead of hopeful (businesses don't operate well on hope). So let the Trinity be your reality check on how you plan and execute your business and your life. Work with the Trinity, not against it. Say goodbye to unrealistic expectations that don't serve you, your life, or your business. Accept the Trinity and use it to your advantage. And start saying Amen to that. As we look back at January and many of us finalize our plans and goals for the year ahead, I want to share some thoughts on the importance of developing - and then living by! - a personal inner scorecard.
Here's what I mean: I've said this before, but I hate social media. I hate the pressure of it and the superficiality of (much of) it. And I particularly hate the way the big tech companies consciously manipulate it - and manipulate us - to pull us apart, lock us into echo chambers, and amplify opposing ideas until the whole world and its complexity becomes reduced to binary and opposing factions. BUT, I also recognize that social media is just a tool. And like all tools, it can be used for good, or for evil. So as I’ve grappled with it, I’ve decided to use it for good. And on my terms. I don’t have gazillions of followers, I don't use gimmicks or bots to increase my reach, and I have a simple rule: if I use social media at all, it will be to share ideas that - I hope - add value to people's lives in some way. Share value, or say nothing. That's my rule. But it is a rule that goes against so much common business "wisdom". I am constantly bombarded by people who tell me I need to engage all day, "value bomb" other people's FB pages, get likes and follows by any means necessary, and systematically be everywhere all the time. But I don't. That's not who I am. That's not living my values. So that's not what I do. And that's the power of an inner scorecard. We make the rules for ourselves and then ignore the pulls of "industry practices", "SOPs", and all the other benchmarks that aren't relevant to us... or simply, aren't how we want to do things. We choose what's important to us and forget about the rest. We run our own race. Do things our way. And be who we are. Is it easy? Of course not. Is it without "cost"? No. Trade-offs are real. I am all too aware that by limiting my social media activity to what it is, I am losing out on potential clients, potential impact, potential business, and maybe a lot of other things too. But that is a trade-off I am willing to make. And that is what we all have to do when we live by our own measure. We have to acknowledge that we might not grow as big, we might not make as much money, we might not get all the clients (then again, we might get the growth, money, and clients that are right for us). And we have to be okay with whatever trade-offs we are making. So as you move through the rest of your year, decide who's going to keep score: you or someone else. Decide what counts as a "win" and what counts as a "loss." Decide. Choose. Keep your own scorecard and let everyone else keep theirs. You've heard me say more than a few times how one of the most powerful things you can do to grow yourself and build your success is to capture your year. I've been doing that for almost a decade now and it has never failed to illuminate something important or improve me and my businesses in some fundamental way.
But one of the things I haven't talked as much about is the "auditing" part of capturing your year, aka the numbers. Now, before you run screaming, I'm not talking about over-complicated spreadsheets, but something simpler and more manageable: tracking your stats. Because numbers don't lie (unless of course you torture them until they confess what you want!). And if you want to measure your progress and keep yourself on track to achieve your goals, you need to get quantifying. Every year when I sit down to set my targets for the year ahead, of course there are intangible goals ("improve people's lives", "be a more present parent", etc), but almost every intangible has a tangible quality that can be counted or measured ("how many hours of their time have my clients saved by our working together", "how many evenings did I leave my phone out of sight so I could play with my daughters before bed", etc). You get where I'm going. So as you plan and refine and build your vision for what is to come this year and into your future, start counting. Not everything can be reduced to numbers, but many things can be measured in some way. And if you don't count, you may be deluding yourself about just how much - or not - you are doing. Numbers don't lie. So use them however you can to make sure you're not lying to yourself. At this time of year, so many of us are planning the year ahead, filling the next 365 days with goals and targets and ambitions and things-to-be-achieved. And while I am a huge proponent of planning and putting things on paper, I worry that for too many of us, our plans are rammed full of other people's agendas.
Now, someone may not actually be telling you what to do or aim for or target, but we all carry noise from external sources that influence what we think we should do: what we see others in our industry doing, what our friends are consumed with, what our family members suggest, what the books we read say about how to live/lead/succeed, what people our age care about, and, and, and... And while inspiration is wonderful, we can get so tangled in it that we silence what we know to be true for ourselves. From within ourselves. So as you plan your year ahead, think about where your "should's" are coming from, and interrogate whether they belong in your plans for your life. Tune in, turn inwards, and remember: just because you can do something, doesn't mean you should. Here are my final two Lessons Learned in 2021. Thank you to everyone who has been sharing their lessons with me these past few weeks, and here's to all of us never viewing another year (or day or week or month) as a "waste"... it's only wasted if you let it be.
Lesson 7: Good health makes all the difference - Now I have a confession to make. Whenever life gets busy or stressful, my fitness is the first thing I drop. I stop working out, I start eating Hula Hoops, and I wake up later than I want to. And for the past two years - full of COVID upheaval and having a new baby - my life has been very busy and very stressful. So my fitness slipped. And every day I would feel it in my body. Every day I would feel slightly “gross”. Every day I would feel this untapped well of energy desperate to burst forth through some form of physical exertion, and every day, it would wither and die for waiting. It was getting out of hand. And I know that how I feel IN my body (not ABOUT my body) has a huge impact on my performance. So at some point in the summer, I gave myself a kick up the a$$ and made a plan to get back to myself. I started doing the Couch to 5k program. I signed up for online ballet and yoga classes. And I made a schedule of workout times that I protected from work or other tasks. And a few days into my new routine things started to fall back into place. I was eating better. I was sleeping better. I felt better. And I was performing better. (I was also being nicer to the people I love.) You guys, it’s a cliche and often-said for a reason: health is wealth. And when we are on top of our health, it has trickle down effects on EVERY aspect of our lives. So whatever you do in 2022 and beyond, find a way to invest in your health. Whatever that means to you. And see the positive difference it makes. Lesson 8: Say yes to (some) opportunities that come your way - Now this lesson comes with a caveat. I am the first to remind anyone who will listen that “no” is one of the most important words we can master. BUT, what you say no to is less of a science and more of an art. And sometimes we have to keep our eyes open for opportunities that would be easy to say “no” to - because we don’t view them for what they are - but that we should say “yes” to. Earlier this year, I joined an author’s forum. I had bought a ticket for an event where literary agents go to find new talent, but then a friend of a friend kindly offered me her place at the same event two months sooner. It meant that I would have to get my submission materials together that much faster, but also that I would get to meet agents that much sooner. So I said yes. And that was the event where I met my now-agent who got me my now-book deal. It would have been easy to say “no” to that friend of a friend. I could have told myself that I needed more time to put my materials together. That I was too busy. That my newborn was too new for me to make time. And a whole litany of other excuses. But I didn’t. I said yes. And then I found a way to make things happen. And that’s how it is for so much of life. When we say yes to something, we find a way to make it happen. We have to. So we do. And that’s why we need to keep an eye out for the opportunities that may not look like obvious opportunities. And we have to be willing to take a chance even if we don’t realize it’s a chance worth taking. This is a tricky one to give a concrete lesson about. As I said, seeing and taking opportunities is more art than science. But if you start practicing, you’ll get better. And you’ll see which chances are worth taking and which are worth passing on. Remember, some opportunities may never come back to you. So be careful and selective. And be ready for magic to happen. I would love to hear from even more of you about your Lessons Learned in 2021, so please do get in touch! With Christmas just around the corner, here's to a great end to 2021 and bring on 2022! We're half way through my 2021 list of Lessons Learned, so sit back and enjoy this week's duo!
Lesson 5: Keep perspective - I have a foreign policy background. Before I started my first business, I worked for six years on our reconstruction and democratization efforts in Afghanistan. After I left that career behind, I paid less and less daily attention to what was happening, but still had an eye on developments there and around the world in general (yes, I am one of those people who reads The Economist cover to cover each week…). And seeing the heartbreaking way the country has relapsed and collapsed since the end of August this year has whiplashed some perspective back into my life. Now I get it. A lot of people everywhere have it hard. We all go through personal challenges and difficulties that consume us and feel like the equivalent of a personal disaster. But there is disaster. And then there is disaster. And any time I find myself anxious or worried or frustrated about how hard my life is, I look at a picture on my fridge that I took in Kabul of a car full of smiling kids who waved excitedly at me from their windows way back when. And I wonder what their lives must be like now. And I tell myself to stop being such a whiny “first-world” citizen and remember how damned lucky I am. Problems and all. If we have the luxury of access to email (and a luxury it is) and time to read articles like this one, then how bad could our problems really be? Perspective is powerful. And we all have a lot to be thankful for - yes even amidst all of the challenges we face - if we let ourselves remember that. Lesson 6: Less is (often) more - Now this is one that I find really hard to digest sometimes. I'm the kind of person who thinks "Why say something with just one word, when two hundred words will do?", but a lot of the time, less is very definitely more. This past year I have shrunk one of my businesses to almost half the size it was at its peak and it has been one of the best decisions I’ve made. There is less “noise”, less stress (it's that Pareto thing where 80% of the stress comes from 20% of the customers...), less hassle, AND our profits are actually higher. It’s not easy to tell our egos that we are shrinking our businesses, but it can be a necessary exercise to save our businesses. So be honest about what you are putting up with. And whether each part of your business, each client, each partner, each relationship is worth what you are investing in it. Sometimes the answer will be “yes” (horrah!), but if it’s a “no” then don’t be precious about letting it go. Sometimes one of the best things you can do is "fire" your customers or excise the extra. See you next week for my final two Lessons. Last week I shared with you the first two of my Lessons Learned in 2021. It was great to hear from some of you about how you are doing pulling together your own list, so keep it up (and please keep sharing!).
Here are this week's installment from my own list: Lesson 3: Make time for the things that fuel your soul - I find that so often when we set goals and aspirations for ourselves, we can do so by forgetting about the other “stuff”. We grind and work and burn the candle at both ends and obsess over monetizing things and hack at ourselves with productivity hack after hack. But, my dear readers, there is more to life than doing, doing, doing all the time. And it’s okay to do things for their own sake. Just because you love them. And just for the joy they fill you with. Earlier this year, when I was planning my “income and impact” goals, I consciously chose to NOT monetize everything I was doing. Sure, the money is important (especially after the smackdown COVID laid on most of our businesses!), but so are things other than money (duh!). So I gave myself permission to speak and do workshops just because I love doing them. Without an “upsell”. Without an agenda. Without any metrics or targets or KPIs to guide them. I love sharing what I learn and I love connecting with people. So I did over 24 (!) different workshops just for the fun of it and totally for free. And I loved every minute. I loved preparing, and executing, and fielding questions, and meeting people I wouldn’t have otherwise met. And I let myself enjoy what I enjoy without saddling the joy with justification. Doing what I love and helping other people was justification enough. So think about where you can add more joy into your life. Just because. It doesn’t have to become your full time job, but do make time for it. After all, how we spend our days, is how we spend our lives. Lesson 4: Learn how to be content without being complacent - If the past two years have taught me anything it is this. Sh*t happens. Sometimes really big, bad sh*t happens. But even amidst all of that horrible, stinky, mess, there are so many things to be content about. And the “secret sauce”, I think, to sustainable careers and sane lives is to find a way to be content with where we are and what we have while still maintaining the drive to strive and do more (if we want to!). It’s not easy, but this year in particular, I have started to give myself talking-tos any time I start going down a woe-is-me spiral. Sure, I have had some really tough times and really stressful times and really anxiety-filled times this year. But instead of stewing, I remind (read: force!) myself to think about all the great things going on in my life. And then I remind myself that even though I want to do better, or build more, or have a bigger impact, I have enough now, too. Content, not complacent. It’s a skill worth working on or we will drive ourselves into the ground with frustration and unhappiness. See you again next week! Last week I wrote about how to Capture Your Year, and give yourself the gift of seeing how much you have accomplished and progressed without registering it. As part of that exercise, I suggested you share some of your Lessons Learned with others, and I'm here to take my own advice and share my Lessons Learned with you!
So, sit back and get comfy as we travel back over the year together and I share the first installment of my Top Lessons Learned in 2021: Lesson 1: Keep the faith - This is a big one I learned in lots of different ways this year. Two of my biggest life goals came true this year, one of which was to become a published author. For years and years and years and YEARS I wrote to my heart’s content - sometimes sharing my writing, other times keeping it to myself - always knowing I wanted to do more, and craft a life full of putting pen to paper or finger to keyboard. I didn’t know how I would find a publisher, or how I would reach more readers, I just knew that I wanted it and that I would keep going until “it” happened. And after seven years of consistently writing (and lots of other things too!), all the pieces started to come together. I met people. I pitched myself. I found agents to represent me. And then I got my first big paid writing gig. And then I got a book deal from a major publisher. It didn’t happen by wishing for it. And it took years for it to happen. But all along I never stopped knowing it would happen as long as I didn’t give up. As long as I showed up and did the work. (And guess what? My book is now available for pre-order!) So don’t let the unpredictability of how long things might take scare you from doing. If you want something badly, keep the faith, keep working, keep experimenting, and keep trying. Or, as one of my favorite quotes puts it so perfectly: "Never give up on a dream because of the time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." Lesson 2: Think (even) bigger - This lesson is somewhat related to #1, but whatever your goals and dreams and aspirations, it can NEVER hurt to think even bigger (my friend Richard Brown said this perfectly in an article he wrote a few months ago where he talked about 3x-ing his income goal for this year and then making it happen in a few short-but-full-of-hard-work months!). There is no extra “cost” to thinking bigger, so don’t sell yourself short and keep yourself small. When I was thinking about the audiences I wanted to speak in front of, I didn’t limit myself to what I knew was possible or what I had already done. I imagined packed stadiums, and large arenas, and big corporate gatherings. And guess what, that’s what I am doing. It’s not to say “small” is in any way inferior or unworthy, it’s just that being bolder about our ambitions and visions means we start busting through self-imposed limitations and prove to ourselves that anything is possible. Yes, even for us. It’s that thing about shooting for the stars. Even if you “fail”, you’ll still land on the moon. So start seeing where you can think bigger and start surrounding yourself with people who think bigger too. We are so powerfully, if subtly, influenced by the people around us and the thoughts we let in. I've got more of my Lessons Learned coming your way in the weeks ahead, but till then, please take some time to let these first two sink in. Where can you keep the faith and keep going? And where can you think bigger? I'd love to hear about it. I don't know about you, but I love this time of year. It's when the world starts to both pick up and wind down. It’s a great time for reflection and review and that’s why this week I wanted to share with you one of my all time favorite leadership and performance habits: Capturing Your Year.
Now, I hear so many people talk about 2020 like it was a “lost” or “throw away” year. The focus on the fact that COVID robbed many of us of new experiences, change, growth, or variety (not to mention the mental and physical toll). But that is a terrible way to view any amount of time, much less an entire year. Even in the midst of challenge and adversity and upheaval (that sometimes felt like the “same old, same old” every day), we grow and change and progress. It might not be the way we are used to growing or changing or progressing, but I don’t know a single person who is the same in 2021 as they were in 2020. It’s just that they might not have registered the changes or growth or progress concretely. And what a waste that is. What a waste to look at a day, a week, a month, a year and think “Man, I’m glad that’s over.” Sure, there might be things we’d like to forget, but let’s not throw away the proverbial baby with the bath water! No matter what you think of any 365-day period, it’s always worth investing a bit of time to reflect on what has happened. So, as we get towards the end of another year, here’s a step-by-step plan for how you can make the most of all that has happened this year:
So don’t rely on your memory. Join me this November as I sit down to do the same. Crystalize the key lessons and takeaways from your year. Make them concrete by writing them down. And share them (if you want to!) so that others can learn from your generosity and honesty. I’ll be sharing my Lessons Learned in 2021 with you, starting next week, so stay tuned! Almost a decade ago, I was having lunch with a dear friend and we were half-laughing, half-crying about our inner nerds. I was bemoaning my need for “gold stars,” and it was then that my friend said what has stayed with me all these years: “I get it dude, it’s your Lisa Simpson complex. I’m the same.”
Now for the unfamiliar, Lisa Simpson is a cartoon character who is endearingly obsessed with perfection and good grades, with being the archetypal “good girl.” And my friend’s comment has stayed with me all these years because elements of my “Lisa Simpson complex” still infect so many big and small aspects of my life, and it’s something I have to work hard to keep in check. (But her comment also reassured me that there are other “Lisas” out there… maybe you’re one too!) Now, part of me is proud to be meticulous and painstaking about things that are important to me (good grammar, detailed P&Ls, folding my clothes just-so… you have to have standards, so they may as well be good ones!), but part of me also recognizes that there’s a reason “pain” is 36% of the word “painstaking,” because too much Lisa Simpson is no good. It is painful. And it can be destructive. And it can give too much power to people or things outside our control. And it is only with a lot of practice and the perspective that comes with time (I won't say "age" just yet) that I have finally started letting go just a little bit of my once-near-obsession with getting gold stars and being "perfect" in all aspects of my life. I know I will never NOT care what other people think of me, but I have started to be selective about whose opinion I DO care about (Are they qualified to have an opinion? Have they been in the ring themselves? Or are they just haters raining down popcorn and peanuts from the cheap seats?). I know I will always want some actual or symbolic gold stars, but I have started getting better at giving them to myself. I know there will be times when I look at my businesses or look in the mirror and only see the things that need “fixing,” but I have started getting better at focusing on what is amazing and beautiful, too. As high-achievers, I think sometimes we put so much pressure on ourselves to be everything to everyone and to do it all perfectly, often by a standard of perfection or performance that someone else has given to us. And I get it. Wanting to be “the best” is hardwired into my DNA. One of my favorite stories about my mom goes something like this: When she was around 8 or 9, she came home from school bawling her eyes out, shaking with sadness. Her grandfather – my great-grandfather – rushed out of the house terrified by her distress, and asked her what was wrong. Through sobs and snot, she told him it was because – wait for it…. – she had gotten a 98 out of 100 on her exam! And even as I type this I am smile-crying because god, do I understand her despair. I wish I could transport through time and give the 8-year-old version of my mom a massive hug for feeling those two points so deeply… My friends, this stuff is hard. Being a leader is hard. Achieving big things is hard. Being a human is hard. Having high standards is hard. But it is also sometimes – maybe more of the times than we realize – made harder by our own doing, by that self-imposed soundtrack nattering in our ears making us forget that a perfect score isn’t the goal, and that what we are doing or have already done is pretty damned great if we would just allow ourselves to see the damned greatness. So, all I’d like to suggest is that from time to time, we let go of those two points and turn the perfection soundtrack off. That we give ourselves credit for how many points we DID get, how many new customers we DID get, how many milestones we HAVE achieved, and to focus less on how far there is still to go. For me and so many us, the trick, the work, is finding the elusive sweet spot between striving and accepting: striving for more and better while accepting where, and who, we currently are. It’s not about becoming complacent, it’s about recognizing that sometimes, even when we do our best, all we’ll get is a painful 98% and a tearful walk home, but our grandfathers will still be there to hug us, and we’ll still go on to have amazing lives full of inner and outer achievements, and maybe one day, sixty years into the future, we’ll have daughters (literal or figurative) who write lovingly about us and admire us for all the times we chose not to give up, not to stop, not to throw everything away even when we were less than perfect. And it’s about recognizing – as my great-grandfather said to my mother all those years ago – that sometimes those two points aren’t ours to have, anyway. Sometimes 98 is our perfect score. And that really is perfect enough. For most of my adult life, anytime I set myself a target or wanted to grow my business, I threw hours at the problem. I figured if I worked hard enough and long enough that anything I wanted to do would get done.
And to some extent I was right. There is a positive correlation (albeit one that gets looser under investigation) between hours and output. But it took a phone call with a friend and fellow entrepreneur to illuminate the industrial-era fallacy behind "working harder". More often than not, we don't need to work harder and more, but smarter and less. Now, many of us can probably recall times when we have been grinding out work and burning the candle at both ends and running on fumes and [insert-hard-work-metaphor-here], because we think we have to, or our work culture dictates that we do, or we don't know another way. But the thing is, that hours-for-output mentality doesn't make sense anymore. Sure, in the industrial era there was a direct and necessary relationship between the number of hours input and the number of widgets produced. If you wanted to make more things, you had to put in more hours to make those things. And we got so used to trading hours for output that even when our economy evolved, our way of working stayed the same. We tried to pretend that what served us in the 1800s would continue to serve us now. But it doesn't. Many of us are not in the business of making actual things. Most of us operate in a service-based or knowledge-based environment, but we still cling to old ways of working that are actively counterproductive and a colossal waste of time and effort. And even those of us who do make things do so under vastly different conditions to what existed in the Industrial Age. For example, "face time" in the office tells us we "should" arrive at a certain time and "should" leave at a certain time, regardless of how productive we are in between. Most people (I would venture to guess) end up padding their day with coffee breaks, chit-chat, scrolling through social media, busy work, whatever they need to do to be visible for long enough until the boss goes home. What a wasteful charade. Or those 100-hour weeks that are the expected norm in a lot of companies? They're often counterproductive and dangerous. There are measurable and diminishing returns to working that long for any sustained period. Our minds simply can not and will not function optimally without rest, and our performance will suffer and accidents will happen. And yet we continue to think we need to do more, more, more, more and work longer, longer, longer, longer to achieve. But what if instead, we worked less? What if we chose to prize working smarter over working harder? In the 21st Century, in the service- and knowledge-based industries in which most of us operate, the industrial approach to work simply doesn't make sense. And to create sustainable businesses - that we can live long enough to sustain! - we need to escape our industrial era mindset. I am not saying we should be lazy or slow, but that we are thoughtful about the work we do and that we question why we are doing what we are doing, and that we always ask ourselves if there is an easier, better, simpler way, or if we are just creating work to justify our salaries and assuage the industrialist lurking inside. I don't know about you, but at some point every day I find myself feeling bad about where I'm not. It might just be that I have an over-developed sense of guilt (I mean I went to Catholic school for 13 years and come from a big Indian family, so the combo turns normal guilt trips into epic guilt pilgrimages) or it might just be that I always feel pulled in too many directions.
When I'm working, I worry that I'm not spending enough time nurturing my personal relationships and when I'm spending time with people I love, I worry that I should be doing something for my businesses and when I'm working diligently on my businesses, I worry that I'm not investing enough time on my health and fitness. It's a no-win situation that can drive anyone crazy. And I remember clearly the day a few years ago when I was going down a spiral of "I should be here, no I should be there, no wait, I NEED to be way over there..." and a really wise friend - who is a successful, seemingly non-stressed business owner (who travels all the time for her business) AND is a mom of three - gave me the best advice I have gotten for my business and my life in general: Make a decision and then own it. Now this little bit of advice might look obvious - and often the best advice is - but the profundity (now there's a big word for a Sunday morning!) lies precisely in its simplicity. And I can usually tell how profound advice is by how difficult it is for me to implement. In this case, it's that much harder because there are two parts: 1) making the decision, and 2) owning it. I find that as I've practiced and gotten better at 1 (Get Good at Being Decisive), I've really needed to up my game when it comes to 2. And damnnnnnnnnnnn, is it hard. Not because I abdicate responsibility for my decisions, but because with every decision I make, there is a trade-off, and in my heart of hearts I am an unrepentant maximalist so I hate that I can't have it all, be everywhere, do all the things, and be everything to everyone all at the same time. Trade-offs suck, but the grown-up (and homo economicus... gosh, I am being really nerdy today!) in me knows that trade-offs are inescapable. And it's only with time and practice and catching myself that I've gotten better at accepting that truth and being truly present wherever I am instead of agonizing about where I'm not. Because the thing is, once we make a decision, that should mean we have already considered the relevant facts beforehand. That should mean we have done our best to make the best decision with the circumstances we are given. And that should then mean that it is easier to own the decision - trade-offs and all - and move on. So now, whenever I am traveling to grow my business or spending evenings giving talks or writing on the weekends, I TRY to be fully present and focus on delivering the best talk, having the best meeting, writing the best chapter I can, and leave everything else where it is. And then when I am with my family, I TRY to focus fully on them, on what we are doing in the moment, and leave my phone and all of the things on my never-ending to-accomplish list physically and mentally out of the way. It's not easy, but I try as best I can. And I firmly believe (know!) that we are not compartmented people, despite what we tell ourselves, and we take everything with us wherever we go. But the key is not to let guilt come there with us too, because it will consume us AND the fun and success we could otherwise be experiencing if we hadn't invited guilt to the party. I get it. Like I said, I struggle with this on a near-daily basis. And there are no hacks that I've uncovered other than practice. So, the next time you start wishing you were somewhere else or feel guilty about where you are not, remind yourself that you decided to be wherever you are and then practice owning that decision. It will make being a grown-up, a boss, a business-owner, a leader, a parent, a partner, and a person that much easier AND will be a reminder that choice is a gift we shouldn't always spoil by wishing we had made a different one. Summer may already seem like a figment of our imaginations, but I gotta say, I love the “back to school” energy of September.
Around this time each year, I find myself bursting with new ideas, itching to do all the things, and craving stuff to do and places to go. BUT, I also recognize that while so much of success and progress depends on what we do, as much depends on what we don’t do. So on this fine September Sunday, I thought I’d share some essentials on what we can all stop, avoid, prevent, let go of, and kick to the curb. Essential Don’t # 1 - Don't hide behind "perfectionism" I get it. We love to be in control. We love to get things done. We love having things done our way. And we are really, really, really good at some things, maybe even a lot of things. But too often, self-proclaimed perfectionism is just anxiety in disguise. "It has to be perfect or people will never buy it"; "No one will execute my vision as perfectly as I can"; "If I don't do it, it won't ever get done"; etc, etc, etc. But the thing is, done is better than perfect. Trying is better than worrying. An imperfect business is better than one that stays in your head. Get something out there and then improve, iterate, and - dare I say - perfect it later. Essential Don’t #2 - Don’t shy away from asking for what you want Whether we admit it or not, we all have standards and expectations and preferences for the way we want things to be done. It doesn't matter if someone else thinks it's stupid or over the top or irrelevant because no one else can tell us what we care about. And that's why it's so important, in life and in business, to ask for what you want. We wouldn't go to a coffee shop and expect the barista to know what we wanted without telling her (well, unless you're a regular and always order the same thing...), so why do we do that with our partners, our clients, our suppliers, or our colleagues? Why not just communicate what we want, exactly how we want it, and take the guesswork out of it? Why not be specific about when certain instructions are must-haves and when others can be executed within general parameters? It doesn't mean we'll always get what we want, but at least it leaves no room for mis-interpretation. And when we communicate what we want and are specific about it, it frees the people in our lives from the stress of not knowing and makes it easier for them to succeed. Essential Don’t #3 - Don't Always Listen to Your Customer There’s that great Henry Ford quote: “If I had asked my customers what they wanted, they would have said a faster horse.” And that is true for all of us. Sometimes a customer doesn't know what they want until you show it to them. And sometimes what they want is not part of your plan for your business. You can only offer what you can offer. Now, I'm not saying we should ignore our customers or pretend like their suggestions or requests are irrelevant. What I am saying is that we should work hard to make our service or product as good as possible, hold ourselves to really high standards in how we deliver it, commit to always improving, listen to feedback and requests, and then filter the feedback and requests. Some ideas might be worth considering, others might not. A request is not an order. Feedback is not a command. You don't always have to listen to your customer. And sometimes when they ask for a horse, you have to give them a Model T instead. I don't know about you, but there are days - especially in the lazy days of summer! - when I really struggle. It'll be approaching 4-o'clock and I'll be wondering where the time has gone and what I have to show for close to a day's work (and then panic at the thought that I only have a few hours left to "catch up" before my daughters get back from nursery).
There are times when I feel so swamped and buried in the "stuff" that I am terrified that I'm not actually moving forward in any meaningful way, and wonder if I am doing enough. And it's during these moments of (mini) crises that I go back to my data. See, a while ago (7 years to be exact), I got sick of wondering and wanted to know. I remembered a fantastic New York Times article (I highly recommend reading) that talked about the data-driven life. So I started to track my stats. I set myself daily, weekly, and quarterly targets and then tracked how I was using my time against those targets (in the early days, I used Excel, now I use Toggl and can't recommend it enough). And doing so changed everything. It gave me a concrete and objective picture of where my time was actually being invested. I could look back at a day, a week, a year, and see exact percentages and numbers of minutes being invested in business development, marketing, speaking, admin, etc. And I could use those stats to hold myself accountable against the targets I had set. Simple and powerful. And most important: objective. Because, the thing is, we are often the worst at assessing ourselves. And we often get it wrong when we are guesstimating or appraising off the top of our heads. We suffer from recency bias. And availability bias. And self-preservation bias. We judge our performance based on what has just happened, what we can recall (and we forget a LOT), and we tell ourselves stories to make ourselves feel better ("I have been working soooooo hard and soooooo much!"). But the reality is often different to what we imagine. When I started objectively measuring what I was doing each day, what I learned surprised me. It still does. In some instances, I was way ahead of my game (a few years ago, I was having a really bad week so wanted to see where I was going off track... and you know what? I wasn't off track at all. I had hit 50% of my targets for the YEAR by May!). And in other cases, I was doing far less than I thought (when I was starting my first business, I was making shockingly fewer calls to partners and clients than I thought I was. No wonder things weren't moving as quickly as I wanted back then). The data changes everything: practically, emotionally, and energetically. When we are ahead, wouldn't it be great to know that? We can breathe a little easier, we can stop stressing (a bit) about how much always needs to be done, and we can maybe even celebrate our successes or pat ourselves on the back (crazy, I know!). And when we are behind, isn't the data morale boosting in a counterintuitive way too? If we aren't seeing progress, isn't it better to use the data to tell us whether that's because we're not investing enough time on the important things or if it's because we're spending too much time on "low value" things? Isn't it better to know if the flaw is with the process or with the execution? The data gives you answers. The data helps uncover solutions. And the data makes it easier to know, instead of guess. Business and success and growth don't happen by guesswork. And that's the beauty of the data-driven life: you swap the confusion of wondering with the power of knowing. And knowing is half the battle. We've all heard the saying "A penny saved is a penny earned", but in my family, my mom often reminded us that "A penny saved is two pennies earned..." What she meant by that, I think, was that earning is the hard part so saving what we earn and being smart about how we spend/invest it is worth twice as much as simply earning more. (She may also have been thinking about pre-tax and post-tax money, but I never clarified!)
And I think of that Patel-family wisdom often, especially whenever I am looking to grow, introduce something new, or "do big things" in my businesses. Because it's so easy to chase after shiny new-ness for shiny new-ness's sake, but I've found that it's usually better to focus on protecting what I already have before I go looking for more. Now as business owners, we all know that it takes money to make money. There's no escaping that. But there is a difference between spending money (throwing it at something new for new-ness's sake, for example) and investing it (protecting what you already have). The trouble is far too many people do the former instead of the latter. When was the last time you sat down with your P&Ls and looked at where your money was being spent or invested? When was the last time you looked carefully at all of the big and small costs and worked hard to eliminate the unnecessary or negotiate the price of the essential? When was the last time you reviewed your prices? Or chased up missed payments? Or went to the bank to cash that check sitting on your desk? Or simply decided NOT to throw money at a problem and think about a better solution instead? I get it. There is always so much to do and there are so many pulls on our time and attention and energy, but if we're not careful, we can start to take our business for granted and neglect the important things. As in all relationships, our relationship with our business and our money and our customers needs to be nurtured and attended to ALL THE TIME or it will suffer. Protecting what we already have means closing the door on Neglect's smug little face. Neglect wants you to think it's okay not to review your financial statements because that's what your accountant or bookkeeper is paid to do. Neglect wants you to think new customers are sexy and seductive unlike your boring old customers at home. Neglect whispers oh so sweetly in your ear about expansion and growth and new-ness that your body tingles at the thought... But what Neglect fails to confide while slowly courting your business brain is how potentially deflating and expensive and fruitless all of his advice could be! (Who put Neglect on your Board of Advisors anyway?) When I sat down and regularly started reviewing my costs and P&Ls, my profits almost literally exploded. Because I am committed to keeping my existing clients happy, they are great brand ambassadors who stay with me for years. And due to the focus I put on treating my suppliers like equals and partners, I get priority service in return. All of these things took time and effort, sure, but it is time and effort invested, not spent, in protecting what I already have. I front-loaded the hard work of building a business, getting customers, establishing great service delivery mechanisms, finding reliable suppliers, and building relationships and consistently told Neglect to hit the road. So the next time you find yourself itching to run a new marketing campaign to get more customers, or reaching for the phone to buy a new asset because the old one just won't do, or strategizing how to do more, more, more in your business, stop yourself and consider whether you could do more with what you already have (make more profit from the income you already have, offer more to the customers you already have...) and whether your business wouldn't be better off if you did. Less sometimes really is more. And protecting what you already have is often the best, smartest, and easiest thing to do. |
Categories
All
Archives
March 2023
|
