Rupal Y. Patel
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We are finally here. The last 10 lessons of my 40 Learned by 40 AND the end of 2020. What a year it's been for all of us. When our minds next meet, it will be 2021 so let me pause for a second and wish you a warm, serene, and settled close to the year.
We've all proven to ourselves that no matter what the world throws our way, we will survive and come our stronger and smarter, so let's bring that inner flame of confidence with us as we look ahead to everything we have planned for 2021 and beyond. Watch out world, here we come... ...And here come the last 10 lessons in my series! 31 – Release the guilt and own your decisions – There will always be conflicting pulls on our time, energy, and resources. But instead of torturing ourselves with guilt about where we use that time, energy, and resources, let’s be grown-ups about what we choose to do and own our decisions, consequences and all. 32 – Protect what you already have – It’s easier to keep what you’ve got than it is to get more. So value and take care of your time, your income, your relationships, your investments, your customers, your health, everything you already have before you go looking for more. 33 – ASK – If you don’t ask, you don’t get. The worst than can happen is you’ll get ignored or hear “no” so ask for what you want or need, and be specific. You won't always get it, but at least you tried. 34 – Don’t focus on the void – It’s important to keep our eyes to the future and the goals we want to achieve, but it’s equally important that we recognize how far we’ve already come and how much we already have. 35 – Set and enforce boundaries – You have to be your own strictest guardian otherwise the rest of the world will live your life for you. 36 – Batch, batch, batch – There is a simple power in doing like activities in batches (checking email, making phone calls, paying bills, etc) instead of frittering your time jumping from one discreet task to another task. Batching will keep you sane and make you more productive than you thought you could be. 37 – Pay yourself first – This means emotionally, physically, and financially. You can’t pour from an empty cup. Think of it as being self-full instead of selfish. 38 – Run your own race – Comparisonitis is a bastard and will keep you from making progress and doing the things that are important to you. Don’t live your life with your head on a swivel. Or as my dad would say “Live an absolute life, not a relative one.” 39 – Capture your year – There is nothing like keeping track of the lessons learned each year and crystalizing what went well, where things could have improved, and learning as much as you can from your experiences. If you don’t capture what you learn along the way, life can end up being a series of repeated mistakes and opportunities for growth lost. 40 – PERSIST and keep going – One of my favorite quotes captures this perfectly: “Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway.” And one final bonus lesson that has been my personal mantra: Say yes to adventure! Accumulate great stories instead of great things. From performing in London 2012, to working at the CIA, to starting multiple businesses, to living on a farm in the middle-of-nowhere Costa Rica, I’ve never said no to an adventure, and I’ve never regretted it once. We only get one shot at life. Make it count. And make it fun!
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We are coming up to the final 20, and some of my favorite lessons are still to come! Hope you're enjoying these as much as I have enjoyed reflecting on what to include. Here we go...
21 – Decide against fear – Control what you can control and don’t let fear get in the way. It can be as simple as choosing not to be afraid and reminding yourself that so often (maybe always) F.E.A.R. is just False Expectations Appearing Real. 22 – Expand the life of your mind – Being alive and being human is about so much more than financial or professional milestones. Take time to regularly feed your brain thoughts and ideas that you’ve never come across and inspiration from other fields. You don’t have to become a polymath, but we all owe it to ourselves to be interesting and interested in the bigger world. 23 – Watch what you are proud of – Measure what matters to you and don’t worry about “vanity metrics.” 24 – Have a plan, but be flexible – The world likes to take liberties with even the most meticulously detailed plan, so have a Plan B, Plan C, and maybe even a Plan D. 25 – Be “there” now – It’s so important to have goals and aspirations and ideals that we are striving for, but the trick to being happy (most of the time) is to find the right balance between striving for what you want and contentment with what you’ve got. 26 – Use the compound effect to work for you – Even small decisions, accumulated over time can have massive impacts. For example, spending just 15 minutes a day on something adds up to almost 4 days’ worth of time over a year. Be careful with the “small stuff” and the “big stuff” will take care of itself. 27 – Track your stats – Keep track of where specifically your time, energy, and money is going. You need to have an objective measure of what you are and are not doing to see where there might be room for correction or redirection. As Plato said, "The unexamined life is not worth living." 28 – It’s ALL been done before… but not by YOU – It’s so easy to get disheartened or to succumb to comparison-it is when we are doing something new because it seems everyone has already beaten us to it. And the truth is, they have! But whether you’re writing a novel, opening up a café, or starting the next Google, only YOU can bring your you-ness and your take on things to the world. That is enough. 29 – Saturate your mind – Our brains are computers so Garbage In = Garbage Out. Saturate your mind with high-quality, high-value thoughts, ideas, conversation, and inspiration and see the difference it makes. 30 – Sometimes it’s better to beg for forgiveness than ask for permission – Enough said. Last week I shared some of my top lessons from a life of four decades, and I'm back for the next 10. Hope you enjoy!
11 – Never stop learning – I know you don’t need the reminder, but when you stop learning, you stop growing. Whether about yourself, about business, or about any topic that interests you, keep learning and expanding your mind. You are your biggest asset. 12 – Commit to the process, not the outcome – Results come LAST. Get comfortable with repetition, tedium, trade-offs, and doing the right thing consistently, and the results will take care of themselves. 13 – Take some of the pressure off – Setting goals and deadlines is important, but remember goals and deadlines are also arbitrary. As long as you keep moving forward, it’s okay if things take a little longer or come out a little differently than you expected. 14 – There is time… – Everything doesn’t have to happen this year, and you don’t have to do all the things. Choose a few things you care about and commit to them. There is time for everything. 15 – …But don’t wait too long – Finding the balance between urgency and contentment is a life-long practice, so practice until you find what works for you. 16 – Put yourself “out there” – When you shine, you give others permission to do the same, so don’t hide your light under a bushel or minimize yourself to make others feel better. No one is served by you playing small. 17 – Anything is possible – You can retire by 38, do push ups while 8 months pregnant, have successful careers in widely different fields, make a lot of money and not turn into a jerk, live your dream lifestyle, and so much more… I know because I’ve done all of that, and if I can, you can. If one person can do anything then another person can. The trick is to learn how, find role models, coaches, supporters, communities where what you want to achieve is the norm. And if you can’t find a role model “out there”, then… 18 – Be your own role model – Prove to yourself what you are capable of. Be the first person to do what you do. Roger Bannister didn’t let a lack of role models stop him from becoming the first person to run a 4-minute mile, Madam CJ Walker didn’t let a lack of examples keep her from becoming the first woman (and first black woman) millionaire in America in the early 1900s. You don’t need to “see it to be it”; sometimes you have to be it so others can see it. 19 – Work smarter, not harder – Better to do 1 hour of “smart” work than 100 hours of “hard” work. Think of ways to do things faster, easier, and with less input from you instead of punishing yourself with more, more, and more. 20 – Focus on what you can control – Don’t get mired in hand-wringing, worrying, or wallowing when problems arise; take a breath, vent if you need to, then focus on what you CAN do about whatever plagues you and keep moving. Till next week. "I have so much lost time to make up for!"
That is one of the refrains I hear more and more as we come to the end of this difficult year. It is hard not to feel like 2020 was a wasted year, when so much has been taken and so much focus has been on what we can't do and who we can't see. But one of the lessons I hope stays with us from this annus horribilis is a new appreciation for what we DO have, instead of waiting for it to be taken away from us before we realize how lucky we are. As people with drive and vision, we can sometimes be so focused on the void, on what is missing or left to be done. We want to build and grow and change the world and be our own boss and through all that achieving and goal-orienteering, we can lose daily sight of what is important forever, and what we have right now. We can forget to enjoy our snippets of free time while we work hard to buy back our time. We can squander precious opportunities to be present with loved ones in our pursuit to build a legacy for them. We can forget who we are doing all this for - or why we are doing it - while they, or it, are right in front of us. And we can sometimes, maybe often-times, neglect ourselves and our health. Getting the balance right, however we define "right", can be a struggle. There are always trade-offs to make and priorities to juggle in the precious minutes we get each day. But in our frenzied minds and hectic days, let's make sure we make a point to take time and pause for reflection. To be thankful. To appreciate. To be present. To take care. And to be there - wherever that elusive "there" is - now, in whatever way we can. Success is no substitute for health. And achievement is no substitute for love. Instead of speeding up and cramming in more to make up for "lost" time, let's remember to sometimes slow down and do less and make the most of the time we have, the people we have, the success we have. And let's remember who or what we are doing all this growing and building and achieving for, and protect and cherish it along the way. I know it isn't the "done thing" for a woman to reveal her age, but I've always found that such a silly idea. To me, age has always been a totally arbitrary marker of everything other than base chronology (we all know "old" people who are are "young" and "young" people who seem to be "dead" already).
But "milestone" ages (again arbitrary in that they tend to end in "0"s or "5"s) can also be a great trigger for change, evaluation, and reflection. That's why I thought I'd celebrate my 40th year of life on this amazing planet by summarizing some of the biggest lessons I've learned. The list isn't exhaustive, but these are some of the key ideas that have helped me breathe life into life and reminded me that anything really is possible. There are no shortcuts to success, but a life better, more thoughtfully, and more happily led are what I know you will gain from what I share. I say that with the confidence that comes from experience (I won’t say “age” just yet!). So get reading, get going, and keep growing... 1 – Mindset is everything – Get your head “right” and everything else will come. If I had to distil the wisdom of the world into one idea, it would be this. If you do nothing else for yourself, build and work on your mindset. 2 – Work on your money blocks – We all have them, and if you’ve never heard of them, I recommend you get googling. It’s amazing how things we don’t know are there can hold us back. (Australian coach Denise Duffield-Thomas, and Entreprenora Caroline Hughes do some great work around money blocks.) 3 – Be careful who you take advice from – There’s that irreverent quote about opinions and (*ahem*) a certain body part… everyone’s got them! So make sure whoever you listen to has been there, done that with regards to what they are giving you advice about. All opinions are not created equal. 4 – Trust but verify – This is true for everyone, but perhaps especially so about colleagues, co-workers, suppliers, or employees. Default to trust, but make sure they are doing what they are supposed to do. Some (maybe many) people will only do the bare minimum or what they can get away with. 5 – You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with… CHOOSE CAREFULLY! – Sit and reflect on this for a few minutes, and do a mental inventory of your five. Either they’re helping you move forward, or pulling you backwards. There is no standing still. (If I had to distil the wisdom of the world into a second key idea, it would be this.) 6 – Curate your environment – This is true about your physical, mental, social, and emotional environment. Get rid of the garbage and fill your personal space with high quality thoughts, things, people and places. We respond to, and are a product of, our surroundings far more than we may realize. 7 – Be deliberate and *selective* with yes’es – Don’t fall into the trap of yes’ing your way through life; be careful about where, how, and with whom you invest your time, energy, and resources. "Yes" and "no" are two of the most powerful words in your life arsenal. 8 – Be decisive – "Successful people are quick to make a decision and slow to change their mind; unsuccessful people are slow to make a decision and quick to change their mind." Be the successful one: decisive, but not hasty; deliberate, but not daft. Make a decision, make the best of it, tweak it, and keep moving. Ever forward, ever upward. One decision at a time. 9 – Demand a true partner – Don’t settle for a half-a$$ed commitment from anyone in your life. Share the mental, practical, financial, and administrative load equitably with the life and business partners you have. It will take some difficult conversations to get there, but don't shy away from having them. 10 – Surround yourself with people who are smarter than you – It's great to be the "dumbest" person in the room because it means we are growing and stretching ourselves... and that we are humble enough to know that we can't and don't need to be experts at everything. I'll see you next week for the next instalment of my "Top 40". |
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