Rupal Y. Patel
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A few weeks ago, I shared some ideas for how all of us can increase our income in small but immediate ways, and this week I'd like to talk about wealth.
You see, one of the main misconceptions about wealth is that you can tell who is wealthy: the rich look rich and act rich and live where you think they would live (Kensington, Bel Air, Central Park West). But the reality couldn't be further from that perception. The vast majority of America's millionaires (people with NET wealth of $1 million+) live, well, next door, in middle-class or sometimes working-class neighborhoods. They drive Fords, wear Timex or Seiko watches (I love Seikos!), and have a net wealth that they could live off of for more than 10 years without doing anything. They prioritize financial freedom over conspicuous consumption and live well below their means. And you know what else? The people we think are wealthy because of what they wear or drive or earn are often as likely to be living paycheck to paycheck as their lower-earning counterparts. A big income means nothing for wealth if you spend what you earn, as so many people do. So why am I sharing this? Well, one of the reasons is that wealth is something that so many of us strive for. Some of us may have started our businesses or chosen our career paths to become wealthy and financially independent (PSA: and that's ok! Money isn't evil... what people do for it and with it can be, but money is just an object). But sometimes it's easy to forget that we can build wealth now, from where we already are, if we are willing to do what the unseen majority of millionaires do: spend less than we earn, not increase our liabilities even when our assets increase, and have a wealth building plan that isn't over-reliant on any one asset class. We can do all of this whether we are in the early stages of our careers or are already 9-figure unicorns and CEOs. And the other reason I think it's important to know about the millionaires next door is so we can burst any bubbles about who we need to become to "look the part" of being rich. Because the thing is, we don't have to change anything. We can all become millionaires from where we are, living in the same house, wearing the same mix of fast fashion and high fashion (or no fashion!), and cruising in our 2002 Honda Accord if we want to be. We don't have to eat at Michelin-starred restaurants, know a lot about wine, summer in the Hamptons, wear designers clothes, or "act rich" in any of the ways Hollywood and society tells us rich people act. In order to be wealthy, to become millionaires - or multi-millionaires - we don't have to change, but our habits do.
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Many years ago, I met an early-stage business owner who was quite literally working himself into a heart attack and seeing nothing of his family because - as he put it - "I want to build a legacy for my family."
And it hit me then, and it hits me now, as I see so many others make this same mistake. That is: ignoring the very people or things they care about, while telling themselves what they are doing is for those people or those things. And I get it. As humans with drive and vision and ambition, we want to build and grow and change the world. And through all that building and growing and world-changing, we can lose daily sight of what is important forever, and what we have right now. We can forget to enjoy our snippets of free time while we work hard to buy back our time. We can squander precious opportunities to be present with loved ones in our pursuit to build a legacy for them. We can forget who we are doing all this for - or why we are doing it - while they, or it, are right in front of us. Getting the balance right, however we define "right", can be a struggle. There are always trade-offs to make and priorities to juggle in the precious minutes we get each day. But in our frenzied minds and hectic days, let's remember that we can be content with what we have, without being complacent about what we still want. And let's remember who or what we are doing all this growing and building and achieving for. And protect and cherish it along the way. Last week I hit a major milestone towards a physical goal I'd set for myself this year: I did six chin-ups in a row without stopping (my goal is to get to seven... so close!). And after I hit six, my first reaction was "Yes!!! I just reached a personal best." But hot on the heels of my mini-celebration came a second thought: "But I didn't fully extend each time, so it doesn't really count."
And as I finished that thought, I had to check myself. Because - perhaps like many people - more often than I'd like, I find myself qualifying my achievements instead of owning them. You might find you do this too. Someone will tell you what a great job you did on something and you'll immediately reply "Ugh, but I was so nervous" or "But I totally messed up on that one part..." Or you might hit a financial target but then tell yourself "It doesn't really count because it's turnover, not profit" or "It's already earmarked for that new project, so nets out..." And while we may not have extended all the way down, or did mess up a bit, or did "just" increase our turnover instead of our profit, the success still counts. Of course it does. But by continually qualifying or minimizing or discounting our achievements, we qualify and minimize and discount ourselves. We tell ourselves we are not enough. That nothing we do will ever be enough (and do we really need another voice giving us that message?!). And that constant feeling of lack, of not "really" measuring up is toxic. To our goals, our ambitions, and to every cell of our being. And we need to cut that shit out. So the next time you find yourself rushing to take your successes away from yourself, check yourself and then correct yourself. Yes, there is always more work to do and maybe something you could have done better. But remember: six is six, great is great, and enough is enough. You did it. Now own it. Amidst the broader social conversations happening recently around access and autonomy and power and privilege, one of the things that has galled me most is that too many of us are still having to ask for permission to access the illusory "level playing field" and "equal protection" others enjoy implicitly.
For women especially, pay gaps, VC funding patterns, systemic biases, and a whole matrix of external structures keep us persistently under-represented in positions of power and keep us poorer than men (even something as seemingly unrelated as access to abortions impacts women's lifetime earning prospects and risks of falling into poverty). The statistics are depressing and universal, and all of the unpaid work women do robs us further of our potential wealth and influence. But we can all do something about this. From demanding what we are worth at work and at home, to advocating for others, to paying ourselves properly from our businesses, the work starts with each of us. With getting actual cash and investing in ourselves. And with using the voices and values we have to push back and build up when everything around us seems to be pulling apart and falling down. There are a few simple things we can do right now to give ourselves more money and therefore more options and more of a say:
My dear readers, the world already de-prioritizes women and minimizes our worth, but we shouldn't do that to ourselves or let that happen to the women around us. Let's have those difficult money conversations with co-founders or partners or suppliers, let's plan for our financial futures, let's learn what we need to learn, and let's start building our financial fortresses so that no one can ever, ever pull us down. The world needs more good people to control more wealth. Money isn't the answer to everything, of course, but having more control over more of it gives us all the freedom to do more of the good we want to do in the world and in our lives, and for the issues and causes we care about. So let's stop with the status quo. Let's start paying ourselves and owning our worth. And let's start now. Cha. Ching. Back in the early days of starting my first business, I had some pretty ugly moments. I would find myself looking around at the other founders I knew and wishing for a piece of their action. There always seemed to be someone else doing more, making more, and achieving more than I was. And when I wasn't careful, those comparisons would deflate me and cause me to wonder if I should just give up and throw in the towel.
Maybe you've felt that way, too. Maybe you've watched friends, colleagues, family members, someone else do something you've wanted to do and hated them for it. Or maybe in the face of their success you've criticized the trade-offs they had to make along the way ("I would never give up my social life like they have..."). Or maybe you've just cursed your own "bad luck" and left it at that. Believe me, I get it. Achieving things is hard. Succeeding at things we care about is hard. And when you're climbing a hill, it's so easy to look at others and think of how much easier/better/luckier they have it, and then to want some of that for yourself. And despite the fact that it's pretty universal, we're never taught how to treat our comparisonitis. We're never given the tools to manage our envy responsibly. But like so many things in life, envy doesn't have to be bad. It's just a feeling. A signal. And it's what we do with that feeling or signal that makes it "good" or "bad." When I found myself in my envious-woes all those years ago, my partner said to me: "It's normal to be jealous. But what can you learn from other people's successes that will help you create your own?" And just like that, I was given a formula to turn something potentially ugly and destructive (envy) into something productive and helpful (ideas/stimuli for progress). Jealousy is okay. But we don't have to wallow in despair and self-pity when we see others being successful. We don't have to see their success as a reason to give up on our own. (There is enough success out there for all of us.) We don't have to quit just because someone else already did what we want to do. And we don't have to stop just because someone else is ahead of us. We can choose to be inspired instead of jealous. We can choose to open up instead of shut down. We can choose to see a role model instead of a rival. And, most important, we can choose to use our envy to fuel us and drive us instead of stopping us in our tracks. It's not easy, but it can be simple. We can use our envy for good. |
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