Rupal Y. Patel
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"Rup, we're talking about your career and life here. Don't waste this opportunity..."
This was back in 2013 and my sister and brother were staging what I can only call an intervention. I was a newly-minted MBA and they were worried (terrified) for me that by starting my own business I was carelessly tossing my life, my career, and my MBA into the rubbish heap. "Get a big name on your resume," they were imploring me, "and THEN you can do your own thing." Their one-way conversation lasted a few hours, and despite the delicious cocktails we were drinking at the dive bar on 3rd Avenue in New York, my mouth tasted like bile and regret. What if they were right, my mind wondered even though my mouth kept insisting "I'm an adult, I know what I'm doing." What if I failed? What if my business didn't take off? What if I was throwing away the chance to work somewhere "impressive"? What if McKinsey (or Bain or BCG or the dozens of other consulting firms MBAs are supposed to want to work at) never bestowed their vaunted credentials onto my CV? What if I was being as reckless as they thought? Everything my siblings said made sense, so why couldn't I just do what they said and be sensible? Why couldn't I just go out there and get a real job? I have a theory (actually, I have a LOT of theories, but for the purposes of this article, I'll stick to one), and it goes something like this: the people who know us or love us are often the ones who make it hardest for us to do something different or to make a big change. So often, they keep us in a time warp where the way they once "knew" us is who we have to stay, and sometimes wanting us to stay that way is more for their benefit than for ours. Sometimes they just want us to keep playing a certain role so it doesn't upset the equilibrium established over years of knowing each other or so it doesn't challenge their own safety and comfort. And sometimes, the people who "know" and love us just want us to do things a certain way because they are trying to protect us. They are worried we might fail or get upset or ruin ourselves financially, and their advice is meant to shield us from all of those things. But you know what? No one can do that for us. No one can keep disappointment at bay for us. No one can read what's in our heart of hearts the way we can. And no one can tell us what is risky or what is not because we all have different definitions of risk. We have to listen to our intuition, to our gut, to our own ideas of what we want and who we are, because sometimes, maybe a lot of times, the people in our lives have their own agenda and we can't let them live our lives for us. Did I ignore my siblings and tell them to shove it? Of course not. I listened to them (and tortured myself about whether they were right), and then I forged my own way. I covered my downside, I had a Plan B (and Plan C), and then I put my all into making a success of my business because I had no choice. I worked hard (before I learned how to work smart) and I got there. I replaced my post-MBA income in about 18 months and put everyone's worries - including my own - to bed, once and for all. But it was really, really, really, really effing hard. Especially in the beginning when my own doubts and insecurities kept creeping in, it made every phone call with my family that much harder. I couldn't bear to talk to them for fear that one of them would tell me to just "keep an eye open" for jobs or work with a headhunter or do my business as a side hobby while working for someone else. All of their concern and anxieties only amplified my own and it took every ounce of strength I could muster to nod and mmm-hmm and then tune them out. Because the thing I learned is that the people who "know" us and love us aren't always right. And if we listen to them too readily, they can keep us from being who we are or who we want to be or who we know we can be. We can take their concerns on board, sure, but that doesn't mean we have to let them stop us from actualizing our vision for our lives. We can do things our way. Protect ourselves our way. Address all of their concerns our way. And sometimes, just tune them out. Not everyone is worth listening to, no matter how much they love us. Not everyone is qualified to have an opinion, no matter how long they've been in our lives (I don't ask my hair dresser for tax advice even though I've known her twice as long as my accountant...). Sometimes we have to beware of the people who "know" us and love us because sometimes they can be the biggest roadblocks to our success, and a lot of the times they simply don't know what they're talking about. There are no easy solutions, but some of the best antidotes to the nay-saying and doubts that can be foisted on us from people who "know" and love us are to join a community where what we are trying to do/build/grow/achieve is the norm and to be very selective about who we take advice from (ie, is the person telling us that being an entrepreneur is a bad idea an entrepreneur themselves?) Making a big change, accomplishing a big goal, starting a business and then growing it to be as successful as it can be is too important and too personal to let other people decide or derail for us. Sometimes we just have to beware of those who "know" and love us and then forge on towards our success anyway.
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"If someone even smiles at me the wrong way, I'm going to lose it!"
I was having a very bad day a few weeks ago. It started as just another promising Tuesday, and then quickly spiraled down, down, down, oh so down, to some deep, dark depths. I can't remember what it was that triggered things, but suddenly, the world felt like it was on top of me. My mind was whirring with all the things I needed to do: make a few calls, submit tax information, follow up on a project that was taking far too long to finish, and oh, by the way, go to the gym (I had been neglecting my health too much lately), write a letter to my daughter's previous doctor, write my next article, film a few videos for my You Tube channel, buy tickets to visit my family in New York, update my website, and... and... and... and... AND!!!!!!! I was starting to plummet. I walked in the door from my morning appointment, spat a hello to my husband, and went straight upstairs. I sat on my bed thinking very angry thoughts. And then I took a shower. I cooked myself a meal. I didn't go anywhere near my phone or my computer. And then I sat. I indulged in some final the-world-is-so-stupid-and-annoying ruminations, and then -- slowly, but finally - I tried to think about what I could do to make the world less stupid and annoying. I emailed my PA and asked her to do some travel research for me. I emailed my PA again with a list of all the updates we needed to make to the website and asked for her help. I slowly, slowly started taking back control and slowly, slowly started clawing back up from the hole I had been slipping down. I was so proud of myself that night. I was proud because years ago, I would have let myself stay in that kind of a funk for days on end, but not anymore. And I only learned how to short-circuit those down-in-the-dumps cycles by learning to honor who I am. I pay attention to my needs. I pay attention to how I know I need to operate. I accept that I need to stew and fume sometimes - I love being self-righteous and resentful for even just a little bit! - but I also accept that I need to cut myself off and get back to doing whatever I can to push myself and my business forward, even just a little bit. A little bit is sometimes all we can do. It's sometimes all we have. And being your own boss means sometimes you have to boss yourself to pull your shit together and do a little bit. Being your own boss also means it's easier to Honor Who You Are, and design a life and business that plays to your strengths instead of preys on your less-than-strengths. It means you can learn from your meltdowns and do better next time. Honoring Who You Are is a big part of becoming an Entreprenora, and an essential part of living your best life. It might sound woo-woo, but you are the only you you've got, so commit to yourself, honor yourself, and help yourself be the best version of yourself you can be. If you don't do it, who else will? PS - My article about Honoring Who You Are has been one of my most popular, and one that got a lot of conversations going in our community. Please have a read and let me know what you think! When I started my first business, I did things as best I could at that time. I look back on that time and smile because what I did then is a far cry from what I do now. It’s not that it was ever bad, it’s just that as my business grew, as my resources grew, as I grew, my standards and execution grew and improved with me.
You can only ever work with what you have. And when you are first starting a business you are most likely going to be resource-scarce, time-pressed, and ability-short. This isn’t a condemnation, it’s a description. Of course when you are bootstrapping you can’t be extravagant. Of course when you are the founder, CEO, CMO, CFO, COO, secretary, admin assistant, and caterer all in one you don’t have time for nice-to-haves. Of course when you are just starting out you don’t know what you don’t know and you get better only through trial and error and hard-won experience. Of course! You can only work with what you have, and do the best you can with what you have at any given time. And then, when you have a little bit more, you can do a little bit more. When you’ve learned a little bit more, you can improve a little bit more. It is that simple. It is so easy to get stuck in the mindset of I want it all right now or It worked well before so I’m not going to change. But even if you don’t change, your world will change around you. The market will change, your competitors will change, your customer’s expectations will change, best practices will change, industry benchmarks will change… It will all change, change, change and change some more. So why let yourself or your business stagnate? You don’t have to blindly follow what changes around you, but you do need to have the strength to admit when there might be a better way and always try – at least try – to improve. Your business is not a finished product. It is not something that you birth and then leave alone. It is not something that is created perfectly-formed. There is almost always room for improvement, room for updating, room for more (or less), or room, simply, for better. So whether it’s your services or your product, your outlook on life or your abilities, your mindset or your physical health – or all of the above – why not commit to improving what you can when you can? Why not commit to trying as much as you can to be the best you can? Why not? It won’t always be possible, or perfect, or smooth, and we all have bad days (or weeks, or months… or maybe even years), but at least put improvement on your radar. At least reflect on what might need improving. At least think about when it might be possible to get even just 1% better. At least try. It won't always be easy, but it can be that simple. Whether we admit it or not, we all have standards, and expectations, and preferences for the way we want things to be done. It doesn't matter if someone else thinks it's stupid or over the top or irrelevant because no one else can tell us what we care about. And that's why it's so important, in life and in business, to ask for what you want.
At various times as my own boss, I've asked assistants to use certain fonts in the presentations they put together for me or provide information in bullet points instead of block text. In other situations I've asked my partner to cook a particular recipe for dinner or make our bed a certain way. Does this make me a diva or just decisive? Because the thing is, I would rather be the type of leader and partner who is clear about my expectations instead of a passive-aggressive one who pretends not to care but then fumes and burns inside. I care. And if something is important enough for me to care about, then I will make a point to communicate what I want. This is just an easier way to live. We wouldn't go to a coffee shop and expect the barista to know what we wanted without telling her (well, unless you're a regular and always order the same thing...), so why do we do that with our partners, our clients, our suppliers, or our colleagues? Why not just communicate what we want, exactly how we want it, and take the guesswork out of it? Why not be specific about when certain instructions are must-haves and when others can be executed within general parameters? It doesn't mean we'll always get what we want, but at least it leaves no room for mis-interpretation. And then any results that are other than what you've asked for are failures of execution, not failures of communication. This isn't to put blame on others or take responsibility away from us as leaders and people. Quite the opposite: when we communicate what we want and are specific about it, it frees other people from the stress of not knowing and makes is easier for them to succeed. Good instructions set the recipient up to succeed, not fail (I wish someone would tell the instruction-makers at Ikea that!). If you care about something, if you want something, if you have a certain way of doing things, a certain standard you want to adhere to, don't be embarrassed or act as if it's not there. Own up to who you are, own up to what you want and ASK FOR IT. If you want your co-founder to do more of the tedium that has ended up on your desk, ask them to help. If you want your partner to help out at home more so you have time to build your business, ask them to help. If you want your bookkeeper to send you your P&L statements each month so you can review them, ask them to do it. If you want something but aren't sure whether it exists, ask Google if it does. Ask, ask, ask, and ask again. And be specific about what you want. The more you ask, the more you'll get and the more you'll see that being a good leader or CEO or partner isn't about testing other people to read your mind, it's about giving them the tools and instructions to succeed without having to do so. Ask, and let yourself receive. "Well, of course I expect things to be done affordably, quickly, AND perfectly... Duh!"
If we were playing a game called "Spot the Rookie", the phrase above would be a dead giveaway. I know that phrase well because I was once that naive. I was the one who expected the world but didn't want to pay for it. The one who was a maximalist with a minimalist budget. The one who lived in a dream where limited resources still got you limitless results. And you know what else? I was always the one who was disappointed when things took time (oh, SO much time...) or when the cost was greater than I was ready to pay or when the quality was below what I wanted. I wasn't being unreasonable, I thought, I just wanted it all. How silly! I can almost hear you saying to your screen. Any three-year-old understands that you can't have all the things. But it wasn't until I was introduced to the Trinity that I found that out for myself. Now anyone who has had some experience with Project Management will recognize the Trinity. It is that secular force of nature, that powerful triumverite, that all-knowing three-some called Time, Cost, and Quality. And the law of the Trinity dictates that we can only ever optimise or maximise two out of the three on any given task, project, or business. Want your bookkeeper to provide low-cost services and superior quality, then expect a longer turnaround time. Want to have your next product be developed flawlessly and quickly, then expect to pay a premium for it. Want to spend pennies on your marketing campaign and get it done quickly, then expect the quality to be less-than-stellar. Now, I know some of you might still be thinking the way I did. Some of you might think it defeatist to accept the reality of how the Trinity works. Some of you might even think you're the exception and you are going to prove me and the Trinity wrong. But accepting the Trinity is far from accepting defeat. It is graduating out of our three-year-old mindset that lives in a fantasy world and becoming business adults who live in the real world. Some things are just true. Some things aren't worth debating (water is necessary for life, gravity exists, the tax man cometh...) and trying to pretend those things ARE debatable is a foolish waste of time. The law of the Trinity is just another one of those truths. Humans haven't tried to find a way to live without water; we have harnessed it and consume it regularly. The Wright Brothers didn't ignore gravity when they designed their planes; they worked with it to make flight possible. Good accountants don't ignore the existence of tax regulations; they strategize about how best to benefit their clients within those parameters. The law of the Trinity is just another thing we have to accept and work with. When I started accepting the Trinity, it made a huge difference. I made a conscious choice that Quality and Cost would always be the two I optimised and accepted that Time would be the aspect I had to be flexible on as a result. This not only reduced my stress levels (no more screaming down the phone demanding things be done yesterday!) it also made my flow projections realistic instead of hopeful (businesses don't operate well on hope). So let the Trinity be your reality check on how you plan and execute your business. Work with the Trinity, not against it. Say goodbye to unrealistic expectations that don't serve you or your business. Accept the Trinity and use it to your advantage. Amen to that. I'm spending HOW much on utilities?! And what the hell is THAT expense for?..."
That was me, screaming at my P&L statement a few years ago. I had finally hired a bookkeeper and was (geekily) excited to start interrogating the numbers that underpinned my business. I have always loved math and numbers and order and neatness, and squealed with delight when I got the first P&L statement in my inbox.... until I was slapped in the face by reality. It seemed that some costs were far greater than I had realized and far greater than I wanted them to be. From utilities to small admin fees for various products and subscriptions, my tight little ship suddenly seemed to have dozens of little holes of various sizes that were all pouring out sweet, sweet cash. It wasn't exactly the Titanic, but my stomach definitely sank when I saw how much cash was going in the wrong direction... Now as business owners and founders, we all know that it takes money to make money. There's no escaping that. But there is a difference between spending money (throwing it away or at something new for new-ness's sake) and investing it (improving or protecting what you already have). The trouble is far too many founders do the former instead of the latter. When was the last time you sat down with your P&Ls and looked at where your money was being spent or invested? When was the last time you looked carefully at all of the big and small costs and worked hard to eliminate the unnecessary or negotiate the price of the essential? When was the last time you reviewed your prices? Or chased up missed payments? Or went to the bank to cash that check sitting on your desk? Or simply decided NOT to throw money at a problem and think about a better solution instead? I get it. There is so much to do and there are so many pulls on our time and attention and energy, but if we're not careful, we can start to take our business for granted and neglect the important things. As in all relationships, our relationship with our business and our money and our customers needs to be nurtured and attended to ALL THE TIME or it will suffer. Protecting what we already have means closing the door on Neglect's smug little face. Neglect wants you to think it's okay not to review your financial statements because that's what your accountant or bookkeeper is paid to do. Neglect wants you to think new customers are sexy and seductive unlike your boring old customers at home. Neglect whispers oh so sweetly in your ear about expansion and growth and new-ness that your body tingles at the thought... But what Neglect fails to confide while slowly courting your business brain is how potentially deflating and expensive and fruitless all of his advice could be! (Who put Neglect on your Board of Advisors anyway?) When I sat down and regularly started reviewing my costs and P&Ls, my profit almost literally exploded. Because I am committed to keeping existing clients and Members happy, they are great brand ambassadors. And because I treat my suppliers and partners like equals, I get priority service in return. All of these things took time and effort, sure, but it is time and effort invested, not spent, in protecting what I have. I front-loaded the hard work of building a business, getting customers, establishing great service, finding reliable suppliers, and building relationships and consistently told Neglect to hit the road. So the next time you find yourself itching to run a new marketing campaign to get more customers, or reaching for the phone to buy a new asset because the old one just won't do, or strategizing how to do more, more, more in your business, stop yourself and consider whether you could do more with what you already have instead (make more profit from the income you already have, offer more to the customers you already have...) and whether your business wouldn't be better off if you did. Less sometimes really is more. Protecting what you already have is often the best and smartest thing to do. As the Patel-family version of the classic saying goes: "A penny saved is two pennies earned." So think carefully about all of the ways you can save and protect your pennies and all of the other hard and soft assets you already have. "If I had asked my customers what they wanted, they would have asked for a faster horse... Idiots!" -Henry Ford
Now I took some liberties with this quote. I am pretty sure Henry Ford didn't call his potential customers idiots (but I'm guessing he was probably thinking it). I love this quote. I love the fact that it says in eighteen words what I'm about to spend a few hundred elaborating on. I love that Henry Ford, inventor and industrial revolutionary, was like "Hey, you know what customers? Forget you! I'm building something great here, and what you think you want is irrelevant. So get back in your slow-a$$ carriages and scram!" How ballsy, how totally against the grain of our nice-nice society, how incredibly brave to say to a customer you're NOT always right. A few weeks ago, I wrote to about the importance of saying no and how it is not just an important part of your life and business but an essential one. And you know what else? It is really, really, really hard. Sometimes even harder than that! I am a self-proclaimed people pleaser, so it sometimes pains me physically to say no or to not oblige or to ignore a request. Especially when the person asking is a customer or client. My instinct is to always say yes and make it work however I can. Even if the request is silly or extravagant or will derail me from my plans. Saying yes feels sooooooo good. But you know what else feels good? Saying no and being focused. Our customers can sometimes be our worst enemies. They will ask and ask and ask and the trouble is, sometimes what they want is something you can't or shouldn't give (kind of like having kids... you have to be the one to have the filter for both of you!). And sometimes even when you DO give your customer what they want, they change their mind and decide they don't want it anymore and then you've wasted all that time and effort and money for nothing. How frustrating! Just a few short weeks ago, on the heels of an over-subscribed event I had just run, I polled potential clients to see if they'd like me to do the event again. I got almost two dozen thumbs-ups so got busy putting a deposit down on the venue, executing the marketing campaign, setting up the ticket site, ordering more workbooks, clearing my weekend, and after all that, guess what? Guess how many customers bought what they asked for once I had it ready for them? If you're good at spotting patterns, then you'll know the answer is: not a lot. And in this case, exactly zero. "But I did what you asked!" I wanted to scream at the registration page. "Where did you all go?" I wanted to shout into the wind. It took me a while to refocus after this mini-blow, but when I did, I realised that my customers had done me a big favor. They RE-taught me that I don't always have to listen and I don't always have to oblige. My customers aren't always right. And neither are yours. We can only offer what we can offer. And sometimes a customer doesn't know what they want until you show it to them (like the Model T). And sometimes what they want is not part of YOUR plan for your business, so you have to just ignore it. I'm not saying we should ignore all customer feedback or pretend like all requests are irrelevant. What I AM saying is that we should work hard to make our service or product as good as possible, hold ourselves to really high standards in how we deliver them, commit to always improving, listen to feedback and requests, and then filter the feedback and requests. Some ideas might be worth considering, others might not. A request is not an order. Feedback is not a command. Take on board what your customers say and then use your best judgement to filter and decide what is worth implementing and what is worth forgetting about. Your relationship with your customer is exactly that: a relationship. And like in all relationships, one side isn't always right or more important. Your relationship is a conversation, an exchange, and sometimes you will have to agree to disagree. If Henry Ford hadn't disagreed, how far behind would automotive technology and car culture be now? If you don't sometimes disagree, how far behind will you be in growing your business according to your vision? You don't always have to listen to your customer. And sometimes when they ask for a horse, you have to focus on building your Model T instead. I am the first to admit that in this era of information overload, it can be a good idea to limit how much information we consume. It can even feel like a small act of protest against the tidal wave of data hitting us day after day. And who doesn't like being a rebel?
But if you are going to rebel, be a rebel WITH a cause. That means being selective about the information you let in, and choosing to consume only the information that will help you and your business grow, NOT ignoring everything. Some of what you need to know and learn will be engaging and enlightening (like these articles!), and some of it will be tedious and boring. That's just the way it is. But if you want to build a business and thrive, you have to be a smart consumer of information and a committed life-long learner about your industry. Again, that's just the way it is. So, how can you keep learning? Here are some easy tips:
So what are you going to learn? What magazine or podcast will you subscribe to? What action will you take to make sure you never stop learning? |
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